There’s quite a lot going on…

Am I in labour?

How do I know I’m in labour? 

Oh shit I’m definitely in labour 

If I just concentrate on staring at that light fitting maybe it won’t hurt so much 

Ooh there’s a dead fly in the light fitting

THIS REALLY HURTS 

I don’t want an epidural 

I want an epidural 

I’M SO THIRSTY I WANT A SLUSH PUPPY SOMEONE BRING ME A SLUSH PUPPY MACHINE NOW GODDAMMIT 

I love you midwife 

Maybe I should become a midwife 

So… tired… so… very… tired 

What day is it? 

How could he do this to me?

I’m going to die 

I be trippin’ 

Are we nearly there yet? 

THE BABY IS COMING THE BABY IS COMING

I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this 

Have I pooed? 

IT BURNS IT BURNS IT REALLY BURNS OH JESUS CHRIST I’M ON FIRE 

What the hell was that slippery thing?

MY BABY I LOVE YOU 

Same time next year?