The first six weeks of your baby’s life are pretty disorienting. Simultaneously wondrous, impossible, exhausting, exhilarating, baffling and, let’s face it, a bit icky, those early weeks are spent in a twilight world where night is day, you think nothing of receiving guests in your PJs and wheeling a pram to the shops feels like a huge accomplishment (because it is). Lizzie Catt gives us the top 10 things you should be doing.
New motherhood is a time without rules. And it would be silly not to take advantage of that.
1. Tear into cake with your bare hands
Because it’s hard to hold a baby and cut a dainty slice, and you need sustenance. Also applies to quiche, cold pizza and, er, jelly, to be eaten in no particular order at any hour of the day and night. Just get those calories into your face, you’re going to need them.
2. Go selfie mad
There’s no need to limit your selfie output when you’re showing off your new bundle. What’s more, the stream of make-up free, eye-baggy pics of you and your baby will generate even more likes and adoring comments than that the pic you got with Peter Andre.
3. Sit on the sofa for an entire day
OK, this isn’t as fun as it sounds because you’ll probably be trapped under a sleeping baby, desperate for a wee and a cup of tea and unable to reach the remote, but it’s still pretty satisfying (and totally guilt-free).
4. Cry openly at that nappy ad – every time it comes on
That nappy ad, the one with the teeny-tiny, sleepy newborns, may have been making you a bit weepy since you first fell pregnant, but now you can sob with abandon, irrationally wailing, ‘I want another one!’ even though you haven’t slept in 48 hours and are holding a three-week-old.
5. Feel like Kim K in your PJs
Nothing turns heads like a cute new baby so there’s no need to study Grazia before leaving the house. Push the pram down the road while sporting tracksuit bottoms and a pineapple hairdo and soak up all those beaming smiles.
6. Ask your other half to come home early because the baby’s asleep on you and you need the loo
Seriously, what the hell are they doing all day at their ‘office’? Posting on bloody Facebook about how tired they are, that’s what. Pfft. Get home now, pick up a takeaway on the way back and oh god, take the baby! I need a shower.
7. Answer the door with your boob hanging out of your t-shirt
It’s just the midwife, she doesn’t mind! Except, oh, it’s your new neighbour with a card and a bunch of flowers. Well, it’s certainly a memorable introduction. Hey, don’t go! I haven’t spoken to another adult for days! It’s only a booooob!
8. Eat ready meals and order takeaways
Yes, you’re supposed to be eating pulses and iron-rich food and whatever, but look, nobody’s going to judge you for stuffing the fridge with ready meals and getting on first-name basis with all the takeaway delivery drivers in a two-mile radius. OK, three.
9. Lose the social niceties
Now is not the time to be playing the hostess with the mostess. If wannabe visitors are clamouring to come over and you can’t face it, you can tell them you actually have a medical need to lie in bed sobbing at nappy adverts, and they’ll have to wait.
10. Ditch the modesty
Social convention dictates a degree of modesty when receiving compliments, but right now you’re more than entitled to lap them up. ‘Oh, isn’t she gorgeous! What a perfect little baby. Aren’t you clever!’ Yes she is, and yes I am! Go me.