It’s the 21st century, surely this technology is available by now?

1. A miniature zorb to protect your little one from banging their head on the coffee table for the 23rd time today

2. A voice-controlled buggy so that we could still turn corners while simultaneously sipping coffee and pissing about on our phone

3. Go-go gadget arms so that when you drop things on the floor or need to reach low-hanging objects while your baby’s asleep in the sling, you don’t have to bend them in half. We could just buy a grabber but it wouldn’t look as cool.

4. Some sort of hat/bowl hybrid for your baby to wear so you don’t drop scrambled egg/porridge on their head while breastfeeding

5. Built in nipple pad bras. Because the ones available at the moment are way too easily lost. Pop ‘em in your bra one minute and find one stuck to your mother in law’s handbag twenty minutes later

6. Baby socks that you can phone up when they go missing.

7. Baby cry translation app. Hungry? Tired? Teething? Just a bit cross? We have no idea. It’s about time someone invested in this.

8. Shush-pat machine with authentic human-like hand to comfort the baby when it wakes up for the 79th time that evening.

9. An app for making mum friends. Oh wait, it’s right here! Phew.