DS/DD/DC: Dear or darling son/daughter/child. Often used sarcastically when they’re not being particularly dear.

DH/DP: As above, except now we’re talking about your husband or partner.

LO: Little one. Generally used more affectionately than DC.

OH: Other half. Seriously, how many names do they need?

MIL/FIL/SIL etc: The in laws, frequently slagged off on mum forums.

TTC: Trying to conceive.

BD: The baby dance. Or sex, as most of us have managed to call it since we were 12.

DTD: Do the deed. See above.

Baby dust: Something that is virtually sprinkled on people who are TTC by kindly online onlookers.

HPT: Home pregnancy test.

POAS: Pee on a stick.

BFP: Big fat positive. After you’ve done a POAS on an HPT, that is.

BFN: You can probably guess.

AF: Aunt Flo. That’s your period. Then why you didn’t you just say so? Who knows…

BF: Breastfeed… or boyfriend! Best not to confuse the two.

BM: Breast milk… or bowel movement! Again, a risky game.

FF: Formula feed. Also your bra size when you decide to FF but your BM’s come in.

BLW: Baby led weaning.

TW: Traditional weaning, of course! Are you getting the hang of this now?

CIO: Cry it out.

CC: Controlled crying.

AP: Attachment parenting. So don’t mention CIO and CC if there are any APs about.

EBF: Exclusively breastfeeding.

EBM: Expressed breast milk.

EDD: Estimated due date.

EWCM: Egg white cervical mucus. Have we put you off your Hob Nobs yet?

FTM: First time mum. But presumably one who’s done her research if she knows the lingo already.

MS: Morning sickness, but since in the real world it generally stands for multiple sclerosis, saying “I’ve got terrible MS” might unnecessarily alarm your parents.

SAHM/SAHD/SAHP: Stay at home parents. Because who has time to leave the house with all these acronyms to learn?

TMI: Too much information. Which is definitely what we’ve just provided.

TTFN!