Is there any other kind?

Remember when you used to idly spend your mornings curling your eyelashes and straightening your hair and that sort of nonsense? Well, now your morning routine is non-existent; your baby has taken full ownership of it. But it IS actually possible to make yourself feel a bit more ready to face the world, whether you’re heading off to work or just for a coffee with a mate. Or, of course, you can just renounce make-up and pretend it’s a feminist statement rather than a time-saving exercise…

Never be knowingly without wipes

You’ve probably got them scattered around the house anyway, but don’t waste them on your baby’s stinking bum; use them on your face too. When it comes to removing make-up, they can be more effective, not to mention gentler and nicer-smelling, than grown-up face wipes, and they’re a good morning refresher too. Obviously in an ideal world we’d all cleanse, tone and moisturise but we’re pretty sure the baby just swallowed an acorn, so STFU.

Wash *some* of your hair

You can save loads of time in the morning by neglecting the rest of your hair and simply using the teensiest bit of shampoo to give your fringe a refresh by tying the rest back in the shower. Haven’t got a fringe? Well, now is the time to get one. Clean, shiny, bouncy bangs are a great distraction from the rest of you, and also cover up unruly eyebrows. Even if it was a bouncy bang that got you in this mess in the first place…

Brush lip balm (or nipple cream!) on your eyebrows

If, however, your eyebrows are a priority but you just don’t have time to get them professionally perfect, a quick once-over with some lip balm (applied with an old toothbrush, or just your finger) will keep them under control. Nipple cream does the job too, and we bet you’ve got some of that knocking around somewhere…

Use eyeshadow to cover grey hairs

If you’re fair of hair, you probably haven’t even noticed if you’re going grey yet or not, but if you’re a brunette, boy, will you know about. And getting your hair coloured, whether you go posh at a salon or do a DIY job at home, is hard to squeeze in. You can drag out the time between ‘dos by using eyeshadow to cover up grey hairs. And, just to be clear since we know how tired you are, we mean brown or black eyeshadow, not the electric blue stuff lurking in your bedside table from your mate’s 80s-themed 30th.

Raid the cutlery drawer

If you’ve got puffy eyes – and of course you’ve got puffy eyes, we’ve ALL got puffy eyes – holding a metal spoon under them can reduce the excess baggage. If the only clean spoon you can find is a pink plastic Peppa Pig one, however, this probably isn’t going to work.

Always rock a red lip

A bold red lipstick suits pretty much everyone and is a most excellent distraction from everything else that’s going on. Well, until your baby starts looking at you funny and then rubs their filthy hand in it anyway.

Perfect the mum bun

If all else fails, always make sure you’ve got a hair bobble on your wrist so that a “chic”, “timeless” (ha!) mum bun can be implemented in hair-mergencies.