9th September 2019

5 things to do when you’re trapped on the sofa feeding

Newsflash: newborn babies don’t do very much. And most of what they do happens on or around your body. This means you’re about to spend more time than you ever imagined sitting and/or lying down, tending to your baby’s every feeding/sleeping/pooing need.

On some levels, especially if you’re quite lazy, this is blissful. In the olden days – and it’s still the case in some cultures – new mums were encouraged to hibernate for the first few weeks, or even months, with a baby, while getting waited on by extended family/maternity nurses. These days, we tend to acknowledge that fresh air and social interaction are quite important for our sanity, plus everyone’s too busy to be so hands-on anyway – and who can afford a maternity nurse? But don’t underestimate the value of the sofa weeks. In fact, make the most of them. You’ll roll your eyes when people bleat clichés like “They’re not tiny for long! You won’t get this time again!” but seriously, IT IS THE TRUTH!

Go box set crazy

A streaming subscription is the greatest gift a new mum can get. Give it a few months, and your baby won’t let you watch telly (unless it’s CBeebies), plus you’ll start worrying about them overhearing rude words/catching a glimpse of Jon Hamm’s bare bum, so now is the time to watch whatever you want to watch, whenever you want to watch it. Want a trashy high school drama fix at 4am? Go for it! No need to feel guilty, you’re busy sustaining life.

Do the shopping

Taking your newborn to the supermarket can be a fun challenge, as you enter a mysterious new world of trollies with different kinds of baby seats and trying to get a baby out of a car seat when all the family spaces have been taken up by selfish childless CRIMINALS. But the challenge can wait. For now, revel in being able to get the weekly shop done, on your phone, while there’s a baby attached to your boob. And when it arrives and there are 17 packets of biscuits? It’s not your fault, you ordered one-handed and mistakes happen. Right??

Catch up on your correspondence

OK, we’re not suggesting you’ll have the energy to write proper thank you letters, but there are plenty of sites and apps around which allow you to make custom thank you cards, so order now and get round to sending them later. Much later. Also a good excuse to trawl through the 7 zillion pictures you’ve already taken of your baby to find the one that best says “I might LOOK sleepy and a bit like an expressionless old man/alien hybrid but I appreciate your gift from the bottom of my heart”.


Haha. We’re not talking actual work-outs – those can wait (they might find themselves waiting a very long time…), but now is a most excellent time to tend to your poor pelvic floor. And then congratulate yourself with a bit more sitting down.

Absolutely nothing

All of the above is optional. It’s perfectly fine if all you want to do right now is gaze at the amazing creature you have created, and memorise every millimetre of his or her perfect little face. And you can definitely do this while eating.  This is also an optimum time for you + baby selfies – all those love hormones floating around mean that, even though you’re knackered and shell-shocked, you’re all gooey-eyed and gorgeous, despite #nofilter. Make the most of it!

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